| Time is winding were both hiding from whatever we'll become |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| I will write this down for you-So you can read it. |
[13 Jul 2005|01:32pm] |
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mood |
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 Is this really it? |
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music |
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Jimmy Fucking Eat World-Night Drive |
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You can believe what you want, and not believe what everyone else thinks is right. But its all up to you how you make your day. Tonight is a night that kids like me will always remember. You can sit and dream all you want but if you don’t do something with those dreams then whats the point of dreaming. Why wish on a star if you don’t honestly deep down believe its going to happen if it was meant to. I layed on top of my car tonight outside of the hospital and for the first time in my life, I wish on a star. Wish upon a star but do you know what stars are? I sat there and thought- here is where life ends, and here is where life begins. There was so much more behind sitting up on the parking garage tonight, more than the lights, more then the stars and more then knowing my fucking best friend didn’t have to question why I brought her there because she knows me too well to even question. She also is the only other person who would sit back with me, listen to Jimmy Eat World and just think- Take 25 minutes out of the night to just reflect and not think it was too queer or deep for someone to do. To stand up on my car and look out onto the fucking town I spend the last 3 years fucking my life up in and just think-wow things are only going to get better, and that’s such a good thing. People waste too much time looking back on what they hated about something or someone when they should spend that time moving on with their lives. I know my wish will come true and I know that star was out tonight, to shine for me and for any doubt that was enclosed in my mind tonight. Things happen for a reason, people get hurt for a reason, people fall in love for a reason, and people fail for a reason- Not because were suppose to feel pain, but because one can only feel true accomplishment after going through hardship, and too me, in the end, the hardship was the best part because it makes you a stronger fucking person. When does this twisting end? In one night- so much can change…..
I want to wish
I want to love
I want to dream
I want to accomplish what life has in store.
One bump in my journey will not set me off track.
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| This is why our friendship is awesome. |
[17 Jun 2005|12:04pm] |
Cate05: so what are your feelings on tom cruise and katie holmes getting married
Cate05: im a bored girl with smelly hair
Lilsweetie303: hahaha well i think he is too old her but they are very cute together
Lilsweetie303: they havent dated very long
Lilsweetie303: what are u feelings on the backstreet boys reuniting
Cate05: well i think they are a little old to be the backstreet boys... they are gunna sell a lot of crap just cuz its weird and people were so obsessed they might as well fall back into that for the summer... you know like a summer soundtrack
Cate05: no im just waiting for n'sync to get their act back together
Lilsweetie303: oh boy i will giz my pants when that happpens
Lilsweetie303: halllluish
Cate05: actually i think they should all come together
Cate05: backstreet plus n'sync.... become one
Lilsweetie303: when 2 become one
Lilsweetie303: oh man what about the spice girls
Lilsweetie303: wooowiie
Cate05: hahaha
Cate05: well posh spice just had a baby but she is real skinny again (I read that in your magazine)
Cate05: and baby spice really drowned in her single
Lilsweetie303: yea she is smokin
Cate05: so i think they could do it
Lilsweetie303: she died?
Lilsweetie303: where was she swimming?
Cate05: i mean posh is married to david beckham.. anything could happen
Cate05: hahaha no her single was bad.. so no one bought it
Cate05: habhahahaha
Lilsweetie303: ohh i see i see
Cate05: so i heard michael jacksons family wants to throw a party for all his lotal fans for their support... think we should hit that one up
Lilsweetie303: do you think we will get the invite?
Cate05: im not sure... i think we can just show up.. it will probably be at the neverland ranch
Lilsweetie303: should i dress up or is this a casual event?
Cate05: well i dunno.. i was thinking of dressing like a boy
Cate05: but im not sure
Lilsweetie303: a little boy maybe
Lilsweetie303: he will def let us if we do that
Cate05: ok we should plan that out later
Cate05: pick out our outfits
Lilsweetie303: we could go to baby gap!
Lilsweetie303: they have my size right
Cate05: haha oh yes they do!!
Cate05: perfect idea
Cate05: wow so ive had to watch scooby doo like 5 episodes since i came downstairs... real bad
Lilsweetie303: am i allowed to bring my horse?
Lilsweetie303: scooby doo is the shit, hes my cousin did u know that
Cate05: yes please bring your horse... haha
Cate05: mmm no i didnt.. wait the dog is.???
Lilsweetie303: yea
Lilsweetie303: second cousins
Lilsweetie303: he comes to family parties alot
Lilsweetie303: he sleeps tho so no one really talks to him
Lilsweetie303: one time we had Nickolodeon at my birthday party
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| Hazel Nut |
[15 Jun 2005|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 Accidently in Love. |
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music |
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Reading Gossip Girl Book 5 |
] |
This whole start to summer has been a huge blur. Full of mistakes, nights that will not be forgotten, nights I want to forget, and so many awesome times where I fucking stepped back and was like this is where I want to fucking be. But it was also full of times where I would stop and think is this who I really am? I have no idea right now and its stressing me out. I sometimes think I let myself down by not going out West for school like I had always wanted, or drifting away from going to shows because I'm with my old friends, I mean I fucking love going to shows and it makes me sad to think I havent been to one in awhile. I think I should stop seperating the girl I was Junior Yr wit the Girl i am now and just let myself be me, ignore all the rumors, all the assumptions, all the worry, all the doubt, all the double thinking and all the regrets and just fucking live....
Things to do in the next 3 weeks:
Get My Nose Pierced.
Finish off design for rest of Tattoo that will be done next Yr at Vertigo Tattoo in Oxford!
Go Downtown with my girls.
Figure out which one-The good guy vs The Chase
Hit up the Beach
Go Blonde
Hang out with my Family
Read 8 Books
And lastly- Stop missing you, not US but you as the genuine person you could be.
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| My Tattoo....Music....everything |
[03 May 2005|07:06pm] |
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mood |
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Thanks |
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music |
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Fall Out Boy-From Under the Cork Tree |
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Meaning of my Tattoo and alot of my thoughts:
*Of all the many things in my life, I feel each thing has let me down in someway, dissappointed me some way, etc. Nothing has acually made me smile, cry for the good, cry about something that def needed a few tears shed for....except music. It has been the only thing there for me, I cant even explain how much I respect songwriters, musicians ,etc because they dont realize just how much they influence their listeners. Probaly one of the best feelings in the world is waiting all day, not being able to sit still in class, because you cannot wait to get this new cd coming out. And then putting in your cd player and just smiling because its just so good, and if i must " rocking out" to the music and completely relating the lyrics to something going on in your life or just seeing what happen to this person that they wrote all this down. Besides for my family, friends and pat I have to say this is my number one love. Its such a huge part of my life, I cannot imagine driving without music, or being in my room without having it on. Its crazy how much it has gotten me through....One song or cd will always take me back to a certain time. Red Red wine and Bob marley are the songs of my childhood, Cheeseburger in Paradise is everday i ever spent with my dad by the pool when i was younger, Oasis is my brother, Madonna is my Mom, Gsaolina Mexico this year, Oh man, so many. I cannot even name how songs that take me back to memories of the last 3 years. I could never say thank you enough to PD for introducing me to so much of my favorite music now, Besides the fact his music still awes me, haha yes and it always will. This entry is so all over but I just cant explain how important music is to my life, my descions, my thoughts, my mistakes....If i could do anything in this world.....I want to show people MY music. Anyways, I guess I was thinking about how i never told anyone why i got my tattoo, and what it meant. I know without music I would be lost.
***************************************************************
Progress Report: I am missing you to death, Someone old, no one new, Feeling borrowed, Always BLUE, someone old , no one new, Always borrowed ALWAYS YOU.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I dont blame you for being you, but you cant blame me for hating it
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| This is the song for my heart. |
[20 Apr 2005|05:02pm] |
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mood |
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The Long Way Home |
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music |
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Dashboard |
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I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again
And there's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
I will love you always and forever
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone
Making out.
I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending.
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
and I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.
Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
but as for me, I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone
Making out.
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[13 Apr 2005|08:50pm] |
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mood |
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 Lovey Dovey |
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music |
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Gratitude |
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I never thought I could love something so little so much!
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| No No No |
[11 Apr 2005|04:56pm] |
And
So
It
Begins.
Another Kiss, another lie, Oh god she has another guy. With all my heart and everything I know. I pray to god he takes this slow. Drive fast cars, and brag of my scars. Erase the past, Oh can this last? I contradict every last word I say, how many more days will I have like today. Anxiety, panic...its funny cause if you were here I would have been twice as frantic. I just know for sure that his kiss is sweet, and no matter the distance I don't want to leave. Its far, its long, its romantic....Its...Um..
*********************************************************
What you do on your own time's just fine.
My imagination's much worse, I just never want to know.
And what meant the world had folded like legs and fingers holding onto what escapes me; what he has: a better kiss that never lasts.
You said, between your smiles and regrets: "Don't say it's over."
Dead and gone.
The calm before the storm set it off, and the sun burnt out tonight.
A reception less than warm set it off, and the sun burnt out tonight.
This is me standing in the arch of the door hating that look that's on your face that says there's another fool like me. There's one born every minute. There's one born every minute.
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| My Wishes for the Night. |
[10 Feb 2005|08:29pm] |
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mood |
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:'( |
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music |
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............... |
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I wish I could listen to The Get Up Kids-Something to Write Home About
And
Not
Think
Of
That
Summer
I wish I could listen to The Postal Service
And
Not
Think
Of
LG
I wish I could Hear Acceptance
And
Not
Think
Of
Me
Cheating
WITH
YOU
I wish I could listen to The Academy Is...
And
Not
Giggle
At
Everything
You
Yelled
At
Me
For.
I wish I didn't still Miss You, I wish I didn't know I am making the right descion though.
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[01 Feb 2005|03:00pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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The Academy is.. |
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Just got the New Academy Is... cd and it is amazing. It hasnt left the CD player all day.
Things
Are
Good
For
Once.
I knew it all along.
She said 'Alright, Alright, slow down!"
Oh no, oh no, we won't.
'Cause I regret every word that I said to ever make *him* feel
like *he* was something special, or that *he* ever really mattered.
Did *he*ever really matter?
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| If you only understood, this is what I need. |
[03 Jan 2005|01:59pm] |
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mood |
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 Gotta Get Away From This |
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music |
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Your juss |
] |
Tell her you think shes AMAZING. Tell her why you think shes so
amazing. Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres.
Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. Hold her hand and walk. Hold
her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other
peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Introduce her
to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''. Sit in the park and talk to her.
Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. Tell her
stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems
about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at
her window at night. SURPRISE HER. Do things that make her SMILE,
make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. BE
SPONTANEOUS.. When she starts yelling at
you, tell her you love her. Give her back rubs. Play football
with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her even if its
just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Jump on the bed with her.
Whisper in her ear. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your
names into a tree. Get her mad, then KISS her. Push her
on swings. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on
the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. Take her to
romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. Make up nicknames
for each other. Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. Send
flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Teach her guitar!!!!!.
Lend her your cds. Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. Write her
letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means
a 5 hour car trip. Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be
gone long. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick,
hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not
saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures
of you SHE WANTS. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her,
even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days.
Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and
surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss
her when she least expects it. When you fall in love with
her, TELL HER.
And if you fell out of love. Tell me.
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| Funny how I'm nervous still, I've always been an easy kill... |
[18 Nov 2004|05:37pm] |
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mood |
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 I am me, finally. |
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music |
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Jimmy Fucking Eat World |
] |
I never update anymore but I have to after last night. Well I went to see Jimmy Eat World and it was one of the best expieriences I have ever gone through. I have never sat in a room and couldnt stop smiling at how amazing this band was and how lucky I was to be there and to be expierencing it. It was so amazing and definitly a night I will never forget....
I wont forget grapping Caitlins hand when they played Kill .
I won forget searching for food
I wont forget how annoying dan was
I wont forget how selfish you are
I wont forget body surfing
I wont forget smiling uncontrollably
I wont forget wanting to cry as Jimmy Atkins sang each word so beautiful.
I wont forget looking over you
I wont forget.
Tommorrow my brother and his fiance are getting married.Yeah ok its at the courthouse and only a few of us will be there but the real wedding is during the summer.They are so in love and so perfect for each other. Its gunna be amazing. It should to be exciting to have a sister!!
Everything is changing. I like it and I dont.... I have grown out of sullen, deep, deppressing stages where I hate everyone and think i am better than anyone else. I have stopped judging people and just respect them for who they are. I have stopped thinking everyone is fake and follow people. I am who I am but that doesnt me everyone else has to be that way. I have see my friends alot more...I love it. I have grown up. I am chasing after something I will never get, but its worth it. I have stopped communication with people who care only about themselves...one of them being a family member. The other is undecided. I am 18 and I love my life right now, I Love you, I love my family and new and old friends and the fact I finally feel like myself again. The last two weekends have been amazing.
I'm gunna stay 18 forever.So we can stay like this forever, and we'll never miss a party.Cause we keep them going constantly and we'll never have to listen to anyone about anything cause its all been said and its all been done...were the coolest kids and we take what we can get.
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| Baby is this far from real? |
[12 Nov 2004|04:00pm] |
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mood |
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 Oh snap G Thug |
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music |
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Mario-let me love you |
] |
MMM ..... MMMMM.... Yeah Yeah Yeah
Mmmm... MMMM..... Yeah
Baby I just don't get it
Do you enjoy being hurt?
I know you smelled the perfume the make-up on his shirt
You don't believe his stories You know that they're all lies
Bad as you are you stick around and I just don't know why
If I was yo man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'll be coming home (back to you)
Every night doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Wish for the diamonds (I have the ring)
Baby you're a star ( I just want to show you, you are)
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you
Listen
Your true beauty's description looks so good that it hurts
You're a dime plus ninety - nine and it's a shame don't even know what you're worth
Everywhere you go they stop and stare
Cause you're bad and it shows from your head to your toes
Out of control baby you know
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you
Let me love you that's all you need baby *************************************************************************************************</ |
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[30 Oct 2004|01:19am] |
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I am 18 you mother fuckers. Love me or just leave me kisses.
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| I have become content with this life that I lead. |
[24 Oct 2004|09:07pm] |
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mood |
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 You would kill for this.... |
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music |
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Straylight Run |
] |
The most beautiful discovery friends can make is that they can grow seperatly without growing apart.
Today I was seperating all my pictures because I was putting them into bins. And I started off with all my ones from Grade School, haha good old STS and I missed it so much. I laughed looking at the dumb pictues of Court B and I being totally weird in her backyard ont he trampoline at 3am with Jeff,DRINKING!Oh man i was an crazy 8th grader. The I had the ones of the 11 of us going to dances and of course the many, many pictures of Steven D and I.All the pictures we both looked awkward and uncomfortable and I remeber that feeling that it was yesterday. There were so many of going to Washington DC and all the fun on the Bus putting on Lipgloss for hours with Aimee or takin pictures of my hands, I miss it so much....In grade school I wasnt as worried about every little thing, like how I looked or my weight or how many friends I lost or if it even mattered to have a boyfriend and how much fun it was just taking pictures in the middle of the night!
Then I had my pictures from early Freshman year, like that summer, and i remeber how much fun I had going to ozzis with the girls, Dowds house after homecoming, haha jordans front yard doing bad things, smoking for the 1st time! All the pictures of Jordan and I looking soo skinny and goofy but by one photo you could see how much fun we were having and it sucks cause i miss that. All the pictures of the three of us, the suprise parties that were had.The dirty things I did haha not, the fact she couldnt grind. Oh man so much.
I also had pictues of last summer when jordan and I took about million pictures at garretts and Bradys parties before school started. I miss the smiles I had in all those, the fact i had an amazing summer and also my normal hair color!! The night when someone shaaat on my driveway and then i saw him at reids and told him i would kill him. Someone throwing up at Mcdonalds and at my house and swimming after drinking and smoking int he hot tub! So many memories that are so far away now....**my fault**
Then I definity had all the B**L picutures with Dowd and my winter last year with Matzkin and Adam and so on and so on. I should not mention it but the cutest pics of Skins and i on new years and the shows, the ciggareattes, the scars, the stories, the loud music, the tears, the fact we are so much alike and I could not thank you enough for being there last winter. I love you and i am so grateful we are friends again cause you make me smile and stop the hurt!! We had our troubles but its high school who gives a shit it happens!!
Then the infamous summer with Caitlin. Oh man the Urban Outfitters trip with LA and the Jewel! All the nights just sleeping, frontiers day, closets, your birthday! Angry boyfriends, too many boys(not!) and hurting c(k)aitlins! Prank Phone calls, cigggaratte pranks,crushes and trying to find something to do!Caitlin and Kaitlin! Taking Back Sunday is summer 2004.
The last set of pictures were all the ones of Pat. From the pictues of us getting back together last summer to our first picture together to all those silly ones i have of you with my underwear on your head to you singing with no shirt. The fourth of July where I met Maria Babe, on of my best friends, to the night me and you and la and Adam went out and you wore Abercrombie to make my mom happy. I Love You babe and I dont care what people say, you've been mine for 2 and a half years and one day! Love always and forever....**Nothings gunna stop us now**
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| Don't be stupid -- you're my baby |
[18 Oct 2004|04:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Goober |
] |
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music |
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Drink me, make me feel real |
] |
Oh, how I adore you
Like no one before you
I love you just the way you are
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| Go DJ. Come on now DJ |
[12 Oct 2004|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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 Woot I cant wait for college! |
] |
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music |
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Dj song- the never ending one haha |
] |
So this weekend was so fun! I went to Miami with my brother and Caitlin. We stayed at a stinky dirty ol house with 4 college guys and cute lil puppy named Tyson(My New Best Friend).It was a crazy time and my favorite part was I got closer with my brother, I am finally comfortable around him and his friends so now I know I parrtay with them SOMETIMES....I really want to go to Miami cept I will need a cardiagan over my shoulders, high heels 24/7 and pearls, oh yea and better grades- Non of those will ever happen but I still want to go there.
*This Longgg ass weekend consisted of soo much shit*
Miami
-Best McDonalds Breakfast I have ever had
-New Found Glory and being drunk in the kitchen being like WTF
-Tyson the pup taking up the durty sex futon
-Hyptonic(blue vodka)
-Butter pretzels--only thing not stale
-Dancing with Nigs--"Hey DJ come on now DJ" haha
-"Your a good dancer"
-A fat girl got beaten cause he beats his mom, haha
-Passing back Cates ID so I could get in Brick Street
-Drippy shit from the celing
-Fat Jew flirting with my husband
-Doing the Black Light test on a college guys room
-Sua-Sige-- " I thought it was some college term I didnt know
-New Crush-- kidding kidding
-Lots of Sarcastic remarks
-A few stupid remarks
-Fatass, Hairy Cuban--" Dude your goodlooking you can do so much better." "What did you say?"
-Franzia--SPACK IT
-Dog piss and shit all over
-Caitlin sppackking me silly with the pillow
-Stinky frat house and flies
-Crazy lady in trench coat appearing from behind trees
-Almost got hit by a train, it was 20 ft away...
Indiana
-Me:" Are those trees seriously that tall" Brother: " Yea the trees are 7500 feet high"
-Bro(dad): " Is that cement truck driving backwards
-Mommy: "Ya know what do you just want to go home"-- mom made scene about my hair color
-Mom made 3 huge scenes
-Cate: " Kaitlin your not gunna go to class because your gunna stay outside and chase the animals"
-Cate:" You just got Schwinned"
I Love You and I missed You.
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asurvoicefades's journal
I'm not your star.
